Self Help

As much as we can plan for our tomorrows, as much as we can predict what comes next, we actually have no idea.  Each day teeters on planning and deciding.  But all we need is one moment to distract us and move us from one direction to the next.  We can set out our five year plan.  We can put a date on the calendar for a girls night.  We can buy tickets to a far away vacation to escape all the planning and stresses.  But life is a path that’s neither predictable nor certain.  Adapting and adjusting is sometimes what needs to happen regardless of the calculated planning.

This past month was definitely not what it started out to be.  I had grand plans of grounding myself and working on issues of anxiety and lack of motivation.  I had plans of self reflection and growth.  I had hopes of finding some clarity in what comes next and what happens now.  I had planned to spend time with friends and time outside.  I had space in my month to focus inwards and focus on me.  But little did I know that my world would get all spun around and get upside down.  The me time became survival and the outside became a weight I wasn’t sure I could carry.  And like everything in life, it was so far from where I wanted to be.

I am no different from any one else.  My life went on a path I didn’t want nor was I ever hoping to take.  But that is the way the world turns.  Being able to adapt to the changes is not always easy, but sometimes it is all we have.  This can be overwhelming in the big picture.  It stings when we can’t anticipate our next moments.  But it is a great reminder of what matters most.  It is a great look into the people who pick us up and the community we surround ourselves with.  My month of self became my month of community.  Falling down wasn’t something I had made time for or wanted.  But getting back up was with the help of many.  And I am so thankful I didn’t have to be alone.  The unpredictability filled me with walks and hugs.  It gave me empathy and tears.  My phone was filled with caring and concern.

I needed to readjust.  My plans for tomorrow are taking it one step at a time.  My plans for next month are to take it one day at a time.  I will still set some goals for my time, I will still make plans for my future.  But I will also leave a lot more time for some deep breaths and adjustments.  I will hug more and smile big.  I will try to be a good friend to myself and a better friend to others.  Because I am not alone in the struggles that lie in the day to day.

Maybe I will even transfer some of this into my workouts.  My strength training world has been so much about goals and personal records.  I have always been chasing a better time or a higher weight.  I have focused on a few key components and worked hard and specific.

And now, I walk into the gym with little more plans than to squat or to bench.  I walk in with every excuse ready and looking for the nearest distraction.  I don’t know how I went from complete focus to absolute distraction.  The worst, I don’t know how to summons up that motivation or that drive.  I don’t know where to grab it to push it forward and propel me to some abstract greatness.

Life is what it is and more importantly, its what we make of it.  Even though my month went in a totally different direction, it still had me looking into myself instead of out into my reflection.  I got an abrupt awaking.  I can’t say that I did great but I came out a different person.  A person with a greater appreciation towards the people I surround myself with and empathy for the people who don’t get to choose their path.

I am not done with my search into myself.  So much of my day is spent working on the physical level.  Training people to be stronger, listening to people as they push through life’s challenges one squat at a time.  But we are something else.  Deep inside every one of us is something different and unique.  It’s not just about advice or listening.  It’s not just about encouragement or motivation.  It’s about who we are when we stripped of all the expectations we put on ourselves.  Our life is what we make it.  Sometimes that might be a tantrum or a fight.  Sometimes it might be a good laugh and a bottle of champagne.  Take the time for a deep breath and make sure you let your people in when they knock.  We all need support at some point.