New Year

The New Year came before I had time to write my last blog of the year.  Some might say I procrastinated but time is flying by and this time I couldn’t catch it.  I wasn’t sure how I wanted to finish off the year and I was even more unsure how I wanted to start the New Year.  I wanted to say, “2024 is going to be a good year.”  But the reality is, I have no idea what lies ahead.  I don’t know the paths I will take or the decisions I will have to make.  So much of these moments will be out of my control, I can only plan so much.  Even with the unknowing, the way I handle these times will be in my control, how I deal with the upcoming year is mine.  The stress I carry, the energy I give out, those will be in my control.  The people I surround myself and the boundaries I put up, those will be in my control.  I am realizing that the years aren’t meant to be good or great, they are meant to be lived and enjoyed.  Our perspectives and how we handle life are what can make a good year great.  For my first blog of the year, I thought I would reflect on last year.  I would give a closing post to open the slate for the year ahead.

Over the weekend, I opened a bottle of champagne and wrote out some of my goals for this year.  I like to wait until after all the holiday chaos has passed and the quietness is settling in.  This is the time when I finally feel like I can take some deep breaths and look ahead.  My paper was filled before my first glass was empty.  The second glass was there for reflection.  I have work goals, one of them is to get a certification finished and another is to get a blog out once a month.  But most of my goals are around connection with my community.  My minis are getting older and their independence means my empty nest.  Spending some one on one time with them is at the forefront of my year.  Learning to let them go and dealing with the solitude of an empty house is still another year or so away.  I want to volunteer in my community.  I want to smile more.  I want to forgive and let go.  I want connect with my neighbors.  I want more girls nights and more lazy Saturdays.  All of these goals are simple when written on a piece of paper.  They take time and adjustments to make them a reality.

This year ahead is open and clear.  I am hopeful for the small things I can do to make my space a better place.  These are things that I can plan for and prioritize.  I find that smaller goals are easier to maintain.  But I am also hopeful that I will be able to take the hard stuff in stride.  I hope that as heartaches and stresses of the year ahead unfold, I will be able to breath and accept.  This past year was not an easy one, I’d be lying if I said I nailed it.  I was stressed out a lot.  I was upset at things I couldn’t change and I had to put trust in things and people when I wanted to get to the finish.  I had to say more than one goodbye and feel a broken heart.  Some people change your life forever and even when you get to tell them you love them it doesn’t hurt any less.  The unfairness of struggles seemed to be out of balance at times.  There were weeks that went too long and days that felt would never end.

My year was mostly great.  I got to watch my older mini graduate high school and then I got to help him pack up his room as he moved in with some friends.  I had to release my previous roles as his mother and guardian and transition to his mother and unsolicited advice giver.  I had car rides with my younger mini that created space for conversations.  We had lunches and dinners and the reality that he is getting ready to head out into the world is true.  I got to connect with my minis both individually and as a triangle.  I got to travel with them, spend Christmas with them.  I got to drive with them, annoy them.  They filled up my year with joy and compassion.  I also got to travel the country visiting friends and family.  I got celebrate birthdays and walk cities.  I got to eat great food and stay up way too late.

I don’t want to cleanse away the previous year.  But I want to give myself the opportunity to learn from my experiences and move forward.  Some of my best times were spent laughing with my girlfriends, I need more of that.  Some of my best conversations were when I was really listening to the people in my life, I need to be more patient.  Some of my most peaceful moments were walking first thing in the morning, I need to appreciate that time.  I am not sure I am ready for for what comes next, but I have a feeling there’s going to be a lot of good times.  2023 came with a lot of lessons, a lot of good times and a fair amount of tequila.  I hope this next year brings more of that.  And as my yearly tradition of goal setting sit and sips, I will start the year celebrating the places I choose to go.  My goals for the upcoming year…Do Better.